Today I caught myself thinking, “I deserve a cup of coffee” when Hadleigh was humiliating me in Home Depot.
To back up, Hadleigh was having a literal throw-down on the floor. People were passing with awkward “You need to do something about this” or “I pity you” faces. The meltdown lasted. And lasted. We’ve always compared Hadleigh’s cry to a screeching baby pig, but with the volume of 10 piglets. If you’ve never heard a baby pig, go to your local petting farm and check it out. Your eardrums will be singed.
So there I was, and the Spirit was holding me back from losing my cool, and I was feeling this entitlement toward coffee. It was a seemingly harmless thought that showed the depth of my heart.
Sometimes we think we deserve things. We think we deserve the perfect marriage, dream job, or for me, an angel baby.
I immediately thought of Romans where we learn the opposite is true. We are actually enemies of God (Rom. 5:10) and deserve death (Rom. 6:23). Not even a cup of coffee, just death, eternal separation from God. That’s what i deserve. “But God”–these words encouraged me today, showing God didn’t leave us there. “But God demonstrates His own love toward sinners” through Christ’s death (Romans 5:8), but then expanding even more, He gives what only Christ, the Perfect One, deserves–His very own righteousness, presence, inheritance, and blessing–to His children.
Seeing my child today gave me a glimpse of who I am–needing No reward based on my behavior. I am no better than a tantrum-throwing, screeching piglet. And quite honestly, I can throw a good fit, myself. I NEED the Gospel!
Fear not, I DID get that cup of coffee, but not because I deserved it, but because I really wanted a homemade pumpkin spice latte. And, Hadleigh DID get disciplined with her beloved babydoll taken away from her for a while, as well as a good Gospel/Grace-centered 2-minute sermon. Though I’m pretty sure she wasn’t understanding most of what I said, it was a reminder to me.
Grace is abundant and beautifully undeserved.
When Hadleigh came to me later and asked for kisses, snuggled on my lap and asked to play babydolls with her, God reminded me, it was His grace on display, not something I was entitled to. Any goodness in my life, even the breath in my lungs, can only come from the source of all good. Praise to Him, from who all blessings flow!